Lionel Messi has invented an unholy new skill – violating injured players on the deck
The 2024 Major League Soccer season is officially underway and Inter Miami are off to the perfect start with a 2-0 win over Real Salt Lake, but it was Lionel Messi who unsurprisingly stole the show.
Goals from Robert Taylor and Diego Gomez were the difference as Gerardo Martino’s side cruised to victory in Fort Lauderdale, a routine victory which David Beckham and Inter Miami fans will be delighted with after years of chaos since their inception.
It’s been a slow start for Beckham’s franchise, but perhaps they’re finally getting somewhere.
We’d like to suggest that it’s down to the hard work of Phil Neville, coaching extraordinaire, for laying the groundwork prior to Messi’s arrival. The mind simply cannot comprehend what new level the Argentine would’ve unlocked under the guise of ‘Fizzer’, but it simply wasn’t meant to be.
And perhaps that was a good thing for the sake of humanity, because it’s taken just one gameweek for Messi to remind us all of how ridiculously immortal he is by inventing an entirely unnecessary and completely outrageous new skill.
Nobody wants to admit it, but over the years it got quite tedious watching the eight-time Ballon d’Or-winning marvel pick up the ball wherever he liked, zapping his way through several defensive lines, gliding across the field and either setting up a colleague or finishing himself.
No amount of absurd Ray Hudson commentary ever made it feel better. For all of Messi’s greatness, the constant reminder that we’ll simply never be as talented or nigh-on immortal like him is simply unfair.
His latest stunt, however, is so outright ridiculous that we cannot help but hold our hands up, laugh and applaud his magisterial abilities.
Bored of skinning defenders alive and leaving our jaws on the floor in his usual style, Messi has conjured up a new skill to navigate his way around obstacles in the form of injured players, rolling around on the deck in discomfort.
Upon seeing such an obstacle, most players would simply come to a stop and allow for play to pause so the opponent can receive treatment, or turn the other way and play backwards.
Messi isn’t most players, however. And we are so thankful.
Instead of doing what most would, Messi put his immortality and completely rewired brain on show for all of us to see.
After taking on one defender and coming inside to find himself in a corridor of traffic, the 36-year-old bursts through it by simply dinking the ball over the player down on the deck rolling around in pain, before bunny hopping over him and getting his shot off.
It’s quite possibly the rudest and greatest thing we’ve seen in years; a violation from outer space – quite literally.
The MLS and those in attendance at the Chase Stadium witnessed history, that might be the first time ever that an injured player has been sent to the shops, while writhing in pain on the floor.
Seriously, it’s genius. And hilarious. Whether you’re feigning injury and need the magic spray, or you’ve just been ambushed by a pitch invader and torn both ACL ligaments in one go, our unbothered king is not in the slightest bit concerned and will send you anyway.
A heel turn for the ages. The WWE should think about snapping him up after that one.
Nobody is safe from Messi and his immortality, which has now transcended mind-blowing and become hilariously rude killer punches.
By Mitch Wilks
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